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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in The_Spinster_Hood's LiveJournal:

Friday, May 13th, 2005
4:25 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Fear of Consequences
I read the article called More than man meets woman and got angry over it. Basically, the article was about: 
"Gwen Araujo, a 17-year-old biological male who had lived her life as female from age 14. Gwen was tortured and killed more than two years ago after her group of friends discovered her biological identity. The two men allegedly responsible for Gwen's death apparently had continual sexual contact with her in the months preceding her murder".
This upsets me of course, because as I'm a transsexual myself, I understand just what the risks and consequences can be. Is there any wonder that I have seem to have a defensive emotional wall around myself, and remain lonely as a consequence of that?

Current Mood: discontent
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
4:57 pm
[queenofharpies]
um where is everybody?
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
6:32 pm
[octobrianaoz]
Sad Poem

I wrotte this one a while ago...

TOUCH

I</font>

What do I miss?
Of what do I miss, of lovers lost?
Do I miss the talk of things great and small,
   of consequence and interest?
   Do I miss the voice,
      modulated through tones of care, of love, of sharing life?
      Do I miss the moments between us when,
         like that of a shared joke,
         we laughed and giggled at the absurdity of life?
         Do I miss the sex,
            either wild, dull, sensual,
            clumsy, deceptive, satisfying,
            frustrating, or not quite right?
            Do I miss these things I guess I do...
               ...but not as much as I miss the touch of another.
</font></font></font>

Nothing sensual,
   nothing suggestive,
   nothing threatening or angry either.
</font></font></font>

Just simple touch, of one on another.</font></font></font>

And change to hand or documents given or receipts taken,
   are not the same.
   As touch it deadens,
      quietens,
      stills,
      shouts "Here's your thing! (now go away)".
It gives no pleasure or delight.
</font></font></font>

I need more.</font></font></font>

And in a solitary existence I hunger for
the simple things of skin on skin.
   And I lack the courage to ask for what I need,
      for in asking do admit defeat (of what?).
      Suffering secondhand substitutes for
      touch and sex made only by myself...
         ...but it's not the same.
</font></font></font>

Human contact and response, need it be human anyway?</font></font></font>

For I long for a pet.</font></font></font>

All the lovers deserted me long ago...
   ...or I deserted them.
   Does it matter...
      ...the end is but the same.
</font></font></font>

Pets trust and do not betray their trust.
   They wait,
      dependent,
      fauning on you like a child who never grows up.
</font></font></font>

And pets have personalities which I can interact with.
   Pets comfort.
   For pets cuddle;
      some displaying their stomachs,
      inviting you to please them shamelessly.
</font></font></font>

I miss my pets.
   And maybe,
      one day soon,
      they will no longer be missing from my life...
</font></font></font>

II

Skin on Skin.

Touch the other all akin.
Stroke all along, caress,
   tarry more,
   sing the songs of one another.
   Firm hands holding fast the little ones in their care,
      all stern but loving.
      Warm hearty hands greet and clasp giving
      assurance and a welcoming embrace.

Soft hands gently changing diapers,
   wash clothes,
   and pick up after.
   Sensuous hands delineate the contours of desire,
      suggesting pleasure in their arc upon another's skin.

Skin on skin...
   ...all this I miss.

I am starved and like the woman who only seeing fat in her reflection,
   decides to eat nothing.
   Touch is made important by it's absence.
   And I once gave massages and hugs to all
   and any that cared for them...
      ...but no one came to my feast.

Alone and lost in the crowd, I shout wordlessly for what I need.
   And having no ears to hear my silent screams,
      those around me ignore the deafening roar.

I want, I need.

And at some distant point in time did I cross a line...
   ...of wanting,
      sharing,
         touching,
            bearing,
               loving,
                  caring?

And not knowing that I crossed that line,
   became invisible to myself and others?

Friends come and go and some give hugs and some give touch.

But they are as lighthouse keepers in a silent careless ocean...
   ...and I cannot use them up.

An ever dilemma,
   the answers not forthcoming,
   despair descends casting pain and frustration in its wake.

For I am a sensuous being,
   desiring contact of all types for all purposes.

I miss that most of all.

I thirst for contact but like a person surrounded by seawater,
   have nothing fit to drink.

So I wait.

I wait and wait and wait,
   given crumbs of contact just enough to keep me going,
   but not enough for joy.

Do I wait for you?

III

What is the way to break a fast?

   ...is it by ceasing to care anymore?
      I don't think so.
      ...is it by mourning the loss of love and touch?
         I wouldn't think so.
         ...is it by vain hope to endure until relief comes,
            like the cavalry in an old film?
         I know not so!

Yet here I am,
   mourning the absence of love and touch,
   of desire unfulfilled.
      So then, where to from here,
         to happiness or despair?

My choice.

Third parties need not apply until invited.
And I don't invite.

As always,
   I get my own seat on the bus.
   People walk around me rather than past me in the street,
      or so it seems.

But this only hurts when I let it hurt,
   when being sorry for myself exceeds the sorrow within.

But still my choice.

What to do?
What solution?
What untried permutation?

Of that,
   I cannot answer...

And in the while,
   as I wait for my pets,
   my friends,
   my lovers;
   I consider possibilities of decision and happiness.

And maybe,
   though it hurts...
   ...it's my pain.

Mine.

My longing,
   my deficiency,
   my hurt at imagined loss or unfulfilled proposed promise.

And it ain't neccesarily so.

I make it so,
   and,
   if I wish,
   can choose not to make it so.

So they say, so it goes...

And here,
   by choice alone,
   I decide, to feel.

For touch is more than touch.

Touch is also feeling,
   and I choose to feel.

And hurting and longing is feeling...
   ...so I choose to hurt and long.

For in doing so, throw in sharp relief...
   ...the future when I no longer do.



Current Mood: whistful
Friday, August 20th, 2004
2:01 pm
[bellejarred]
Ok, so I love this community and even more do I love spinsterdom. I'm obsessed with Spinsters with a full sense of inclusive irony (as I am one) and intend on making it worthy of iconography--in short, I have a lot of projects up and coming involving the Spinster. I want to make Spinster-Art. So if any of you could recommend songs (I already have Eleanor Rigby) films--classic ones, images, stereotypes, or sources you may know of...this would be great.
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
9:08 pm
[burnyourbones]
I'm new.
Hello.
I have just about resigned myself to dying alone in a Miss Haversham stylee state of delapidated elegant despair.
In response to this realisation and in a fit of pique at the world and everyone happy I made this community: bitter_singles and joined all the others like it.
If you join me you will get both my undicided attention and a shiny membership card like this one.
Putting the &apos;fun&apos; into &apos;dysfunctional losers&apos;.

Cause, y'know, you can never vent your rage too often.

Current Mood: comuntity pimpin'
Saturday, February 7th, 2004
11:58 am
[a77aque]
onv
Saturday, March 29th, 2003
3:04 am
[mysteryfem]
Im new here. But thought this is totally me lol.
I fell in love at a very young age. I dedicated my world to this one man. We had a relationship for basically half of my life and then he left me (a long story) :-(
Weve been apart now for 6 years and il never get over it.
So i am destined to be the perfect spinster. Its not as if i dont get any opportunities to go out with anyone else but i know no-one can ever compare and i have resigned myself to singledom.
Im never going to be happy about it but for me thats all i can see.
At 30 it looks like il never get the wedding day or possibly the children :-(
I love cats too so thats saying something! tee hee
Monday, February 24th, 2003
2:52 pm
[bluegreen17]
hello?
what are all you spinsters DOING? you must have the bayeux tapestry finished by now...

Current Mood: a wee bit high
Sunday, November 17th, 2002
6:23 pm
[hermit_crab]
The rules of Spinsterdom
Does anyone else have these silly rules they adhere to as a perpetual spinster?

I'll list mine as examples:

1. If I'm seeing a movie by myself (which is pretty often,) I only go to matinees.
2. If I'm eating by myself, I never go to a sit-down restaurant with waiters.

Current Mood: curious
Saturday, November 9th, 2002
12:40 am
[jennie132]
I have joined you all in not being bitter and stuff. I figured I would say hi. I have decided that I will be forever single. I also hate Valentine's Day but have no clue as to when/what Sweetest Day is. Guess it's better that way. I realized early on that I am never getting married (through dream and the fact that there are days I can't even stand myself). So I have decided that when I am ready I will try to adapt a child (long story). As I get older I will drive the child crazy ( I am talking like 80 here) but being that I will have raised the child they will probably have me committed (another long story). Oh I will have ferrets. I love them they are so cute except for when they latch onto your nose with their teeth. Yeah so HI!!
Thursday, November 7th, 2002
6:09 pm
[thenewchristina]
New here. 31 year old single female whose going to die an old evil spinster with 100 cats(I have two so far). I also hate Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day with a passion. Just thought I'd say, "Hi!"
Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
9:39 pm
[silverwraith]
I have to say, there is one good thing about being terminally single:

you can spend your money on things for YOU, and not worry about buying gifts for someone else. at least you can be greedy and not look like a selfish ass.

this ends my musing over the one good thing about being single.
Saturday, November 2nd, 2002
7:48 pm
[ex_valonia586]
It would seem that I am next.

Hello. Um. Hi. I am a spinster. I am also cynical, demented and bitter to boot. It must be said though, that I wear these labels with pride. Am I the only one? I mean, yeah, at the age of 87 I'll be spitting at kids in the street before I die a sad and lonely death, but until then I want to get as much mocking, tormenting and general piss-taking done to all who are happy and fluffy in their relationships. They deserve it. They do.

Interestingly enough, my horoscope for today reads:
Gemini thinks more in terms of couples and pairs. Walk without hesitation into the arms that are destined to embrace you.
Um, yeah... that'll be the arms of my lotr Gandalf action figure then, because he's the only thing that holds his arms open... and that's only because of a design flaw.

Current Mood: terminally insane or something
12:54 am
[shortypenguin]
This is a song about the way things are..
Guess it's my turn, eh?

I'm very sure i'm going to be a spinster. I absolutely hate people, despise society. Most people say they see me getting married and having kids, but I severely doubt it. I hate kids.

When I see couples, I always sigh and then want to spit right in their faces. It's jeliousy, yes, but it's anger at what i've been denied and want. I've never really seen the point in being with anyone, and i've never had the "joy" of being single. Let's just say my last (and only) boyfriend ended up being a child raper. Lovely, huh?

So, yeah. I'm going to be a crazy spinster with a thousand cats and poke kids with sticks and yell at them. That sounds like fun.

Current Mood: amused
4:49 pm
[hathien]
HA lets try to do this again shall we?

My go eh?

Well.. ha erm.. I'm probaby the oldest here.. *gasps* just turned 27.. Officially a spinster I guess.. ha I live by myself *am a bitch to live with* in this 'lovely' country called Australia.. HA. I dont really go out much and would rather spend my spare time listening to music or painting etc. um.. Have given up on finding a decent man (HA is there such a thing?) and have resorted to living a life of lust in my head ha ha it's much more fun, and a lot less painfull!! ha ha ha um.. thats it I think... *nods*

Current Mood: blank
Friday, November 1st, 2002
10:46 pm
[silverwraith]
ok, I'll go next, then...

on fridays I sit at home with the computer and the stereo on, listening to jazz and being alone. yay.

actually, I do this during the weekend as well...and pretty much all the time. ok, fine. all the time. although it's not always jazz--at least that's a break in the monotony.

I shouldn't listen to this album by myself, it makes me lonesome.
9:14 pm
[autumnfaerie]
Let me be one of the first to bitch about being terminally single. Have been so for all of my 24 years, will probably die this way.

My life's plan: Grow old alone, live in a house with several dozen dogs and cats, get teased/tormented by punk ass neighborhood kids, take up knitting, and die alone. Yep, that gets it. Right there...life goal.

I just don't ever see myself getting married!

Current Mood: annoyed
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